dm21: (hug)
 So is putting together a fanfiction soundtrack mix for a fic you haven't finished and working on it until two in the morning. These are all great decisions and I am proud of myself for making them. But if I don't get these words out know I'll be in bed until who knows when turning them over and over in my head.

Camo Nanowrimo is once again well on its way for this month of July. I set up my project, held over from April, Care A Lot High, filled out my cabin preferences, and set up my word goal which I set as about double what I had written last April. Since the two, three-ish days since Camp started I have written exactly 0 words.

My reason for this is that I planned for myself to edit Care A Lot High as a good portion of the story was not quite up to the standards I have self-imposed on myself. Except for a few small tense changes here and there I have not done much.

I have two excuses for this: W2K and Depression Fog

W2K (a pun on the millennial phenomenon of Y2k) is the event of about a month ago where I wrote 2000 words (2000 pretty good words from my perspective) that took up most of the day and through a mishap of my own falterings managed to lose those same 2000 words. As one might expect this was a really big setback that resulted in me losing much of my enthusiasm for the story at the time. I have not quite one hundred percent recovered all that enthusiasm.

Depression Fog is self-explanatory but I will add that this started a short time before I graduated from high school. The fog only grew thicker since the W2K incident. Over time, the fog has cleared somewhat and the rest I'll have to slowly fight my way through.

As of this time, it's hard to tell when I'll feel better enough to give my full attention to CALHigh. I have a few other fics I also want to work on so I think maybe put most of my focus on them while leaving CALHigh as a thing to work on as a time filler.

It's been about 19 minutes since starting this post and my eyes are burning for some much needed sleep. I need to carve out some time to read my library books and write some stuff that doesn't completely stress me out.

dm21: (scooby doo)
 It's 10:38 on a Friday and I am already ready to go to bed. I consider this progress for myself.

Thanksgiving was spent at a Cousin's place. The gathering was rather small again. Thanksgiving doesn't have quite the family pull as it once did, especially now that most of family is spread out all across Washington State. I didn't eat much as I expected to. Though my appetite was rather ravenous in the days preceding thanks to dear old Mother Nature it had pretty much stalled by the time the Annual Day of Thanks made its arrival. I only ended up with a few scoopings of mashed potatoes and just some ham. I went home early because the good old anxiety started to kick in and I needed to get out.

After that, I finished watching Arc 3 of Ben 10 Omniverse. I was a little bored by the villain of choice throughout but I think by the end of the story line it managed to kick my interest. Now I just have to wait for Cartoon Network to finish airing the fourth arc so i can watch (in production order of course!)
When that was done I started my re-watching/catching up of Elementary. I finished episode 10 and will be continuing the rest of the weekend. After I finish that I just need to decide what I'm going to start next. I have a few options that I'll probably have a post about later.

The mom and I did a bit of Black Friday shopping. All regulated to pretty much DVD purchases since they usually end up the cheapest. As follows:
Arrow Season 1
Supernatural Season 7
Gossip Girl Season 1
Ice Age Continental Drift
Cinderella III A Twist in Time
Kill Bill 1 and 2
Dark Knight Rises

Well, now its almost eleven so I think I'll end the post now.

dm21: (scooby doo)
 The answer is: Probably. It'd be nice to have someplace to collect my thoughts since tumblr doesn't provide me with much room for text talk. Let's start by talking about what I've been up to.

The Fannish Stuff

Last month, I started posting gifs of Ice Age to at least a little fanfare. I gif for fun, not notoriety but I admit it's nice when my work gets recognize. There's a very small amount of Ice Age fanpersons on there but most rebloggers have been the casual sort. I wish there were more people to talk about these films with because it really is the franchise of my heart. Small fandoms are fun but lack of communication can bring me down a bit.

Yesterday, I finished watching/reading a walkthrough of the first Hyperdimension Neptunia video game. I also started watching a walkthrough for the second game mk2. I can see why most people would prefer the sequels. The graphics look better (though still wonky for an independent game company), the storyline seems nice, and it looks like the gameplay has been vastly improved. It would seem the anime has taken more inspiration from the sequels than the first which I'm quite glad for. The first game reminds me a bit of the first few eps of the anime: no substance.
I'd love to play these games for myself but alas, I do not have a Playstation console nor have I reached that level of piracy yet. Though it's probably only a matter of time. It started with songs, continued to TV shows, and slowly drifted to movies (though I've scaled back on that things to a little scare this summer) so I assume it would only be a matter of time before downloading games becomes a thing for me. It's a like a gateway drug!

Of my returning shows, Arrow, Revenge, and Once Upon A Time have been great. My enjoyment of Supernatural seems to be fluctuating on a week by week basis. I'm in this more for characters not named Sam and Dean to be honest. I'm especially in love with Abbadon, whose had my heart since her first appearance and has somewhat helped ease the loss from original Demon of my Heart Meg.

Yesterday, I also caught up on Strike the Blood. I'm kinda conflicted on this show. I feel like there's something in my head that's blocking me from fully embracing the show. It is my first experience with ecchi elements so that might be it? But i think the two leads may also have something to do with that. I'll continue watching until it gets too much for me but until then I'll be fully enjoying any screen time with this character specifically.

Well, let's move on to:

Real World Stuff

It's almost halfway through my Senior Year and I fear I'm not quite succeeding as I should be. I haven't even started the paperwork for my Senior Project and I can't stop myself from procrastinating on everything. I feel like I'm watching myself drown and can't do anything about it. Hmm, I wish I was in a better mindset because the only thing really holding myself back is me.

For a bit of TMI: I started my period today and it hurts like hell. Also, I'm hungry as fuck but it hurts too much to move. Well, at least I didn't have to wait 77 days between cycles this time. Though of course, it would come around before Thanksgiving because stuff like this only happens to me before important dates. Well, at least the pain should be gone by them, hopefully.

dm21: (Default)

I started my second semester of junior year last Monday. I'm in the same French and History class so I only have to deal with two class changes. So my schedule for the next three months is as follows: French 2, Forensics, AP US History, and Pre-Calculus.

My French class is going to go much better now that a third of the annoying students have been weeded out. Now class is rather small and way less headache inducing. I can actually see the white board now without having to deal with someone's head in my way. Forensics is filled with people I don't usually interact with but hopefully in a few weeks everything will have sorted itself out. APUSH is more or less the same. A few students have been switched around but I'm with mostly the same people as the semester before. It’s kinda weird with the people who have been traded in. I guess you don't really get how weird your class interactions can be until there’s someone from the outside looking in. Pre-Calc is fine but I have to shift gears a bit. After spending a whole three months in the land of Statistics, doing actual math equations is weird. I just need some time to re-adjust.

Everything would be great if it weren’t for two little problems:

1. Lunch. I switched from the A Lunch to C Lunch. The cafeteria is packed. By the time I get from my class in the 400 hallway to the lunchroom the lines are a mile long. I don't really mind the lines. They're annoying but I can deal. The big disaster is there is no one I am close with who I can sit down and have lunch with. When I had A Lunch I had my own little table with Halie, her friend Daisy, and one or two other people. Now, I have no one. This Friday, I got my lunch and the promptly went to the library to sit in solitude. I ate my lunch during passing time because there is no food allowed in the library. The bad thing is, someone I know actually offered to let me sit with her and her friends. I would love to but I'd just fill so weird plopping myself down there.

My second problem is more of an inconvenience in itself. My final period is in the portables and is a long distance from the bus loop. I have to haul ass to the other side of the school building and since my bus is one of the firsts to leave by the time I get there it is packed. I don't get to sit in my favorite seat anymore, I am pretty unlikely to manage to get to a place where I can sit alone, and I usually end up in the back where I just feel really uncomfortable.

On a slightly brighter note, I went to a study group today. It's my first time in a new group and it didn’t go so bad. I felt kind of awkward because I was the "new girl" in the group but by the end of the meeting I think I was okay.

Tomorrow, I'll be having more social interactions outside of school. We are having a late family Christmas. The kids that couldn't be there during Christmas time are opening presents. I decided this year to join in on every family gathering in an attempt to curb my anxiety issues. This is going to be the first one this year that I'm participating in and here's hoping it all goes well.

dm21: (emily)
This post is inspired by a memory that suddenly struck me.

When I was in 8th grade our class had to do a classroom based assessment, or CBA, if you will. The topics presented for us were those among the grey areas like abortion or the death penalty. The teacher said that if we had a different topic idea then we could tell her.

I had decided that I would do my paper on gay marriage. I relayed this to my teacher when asked to say our topics out loud and couldn’t help but notice the snickers and giggles that came my way. This did not really bother me at the time even though it probably should have and it does now.

Some short while after that – we were still working on the CBAs – one of the kids in my algebra class began his routine homophobia act. He was never really prompted for these. He would just start with no real reason. Overhearing these always managed to make my skin crawl. He was never really quiet with these conversations. The teacher could probably say something if she cared to.

That day, I was just not content to sit idly by and let him basically trash talk my sexuality. So, I went up and I said to him, “[His Name], I just want you to know that I’m bisexual. I would really like it if you would stop.” I said this pretty clearly so the whole class could hear. This must have worked because I never heard a homophobic word from him again. I have no doubt that he still ranted on but at least I didn’t have to hear about it.

As with all high schools, this news went around. My whole algebra class knew so it was only natural that they should tell everyone they know. One of these girls who had heard second hand asked me if this rumor was true. I told her yes and she said something about my CBA topic making sense.

I would like to tell her now that my being bisexual would not have affected my decision to write about being for gay marriage. If I was straight, I still would have gone through with writing that paper.

My belief in the right for gay marriage does not stem from my sexuality. It stems from my belief that everyone, gay or straight, should have a right to marry the person they love. It comes from that part of me who sees marriage not as a straight privilege or a gay right, but a basic human right that belongs to everybody.


Nov. 27th, 2011 08:23 pm
dm21: (snoopy sheep)
Why does school have to exist? I wish I could just say, "Hey, thanks for teaching me how to read," and then just bolt.

I have had four nice, calm, and laidback days of doing nothing but the things that bring me joy. I revived my Scooby Doo tumblr, I watched a new anime, and I've worked on my long neglected NaNoWriMo novel. Now, here comes school to take that away and replace it with boring and a lot of anxiety problems I would much rather avoid. Plus, money is tough these days and I barely have enough to make it through lunch.

I wish I had a different mindset.
dm21: (Default)
My first week of school after winter break has come and gone. I could not do anything this week. Two weeks of no school previous and only two days to recuperate from New Years Eve. And OI am nothing but tired, tired, tired. Why should I have to go to school when I am perfectly content with staying home and doing nothing. School is nothing but crap I don't care about heading towards a future that I don't see myself in

not enough

Dec. 6th, 2010 07:27 pm
dm21: (physco)
So, I just ran away from a family gathering.

I didn't even want to go. But then again, no one even asked me.

It's not that I can't stand my family. I just can't fit in with them very well. I'm not a people person. I never will be. I'm a loner and it's that simple. I wish I could just enjoy people and life but I know it's not very possible for me.

All the time while I was just sitting there. All I really wanted to do was get up, leave, and maybe drop a few tears here and there. But I was trapped and about ready to break.

It was just me and this bunch of people that I didn't want to be with at a place that I didn't want to be.

There was everybody just asking me what I want but nothing I wanted pertained to food.

And then my mom was just, ugh!
All this talk about acting may age and I just blew up.

So, I just ran out there before the tears could really fall. I went to the side of the building and just cried. I tried to calm myself. Sing a little song or something and it just didn't work. And no one ran after me. Maybe they did but it was long after I was gone. Because I didn't stay there too long. I needed to get out.

I ran half the way home.
dm21: (paris hilton wig)

A fic posted on my old journal that I'm reposting to have here. It's a slash fic with Jennifer Stone and Selena Gomez.

Title: In Between Fondling
Pairing: Real Life Slash; Jennifer&Selena
Rating: PG
Summary: In between takes for WOWP, Selena could get quite enamoured in her work. 

Click to Read )


dm21: (laughing)

I wanted a picture up here and this is just adorable.

  • Why do my mother and grandmother feel the need to pass on every word from my mouth to other people? This is why I just don't tell anyone anything. Nothing I say is said and done. I say something and suddenly everyone in my family has to know about it? No, I don't think that's fair. Just let me speak words and let them disappear into thin air.
  • I can hear Fair sounds from where my house is. We (mom and I) are going to the fair this weekend. No rides, I can't stand amusement rides of any kind. I prefer to walk around and watch everyone else have the fun. Give me an Elephant Ear, a Dr. Pepper or Sprite, and an ice cream cone and I'm pretty much all set. I have much more fun doing that my way.
  • I haven't been on the computer in days. The charger for our laptop somehow tore a little rip in it and rendered the whole thing practically useless. So we had to wait 4 days for the charger to get shipped in from wherever the hell the damn thing came from. Then I had to wait another day for my mom to have her time on the computer.
  • But I read a lot of books in that time period. I was finally able to finish the A-List series. And only two years, four used buys, and three library trips after receiving the first in the series as a gift.
  • I was this close to telling my mom about my bisexuality. But something was holding me back. I was also this close to chucking an Oreo cookie Blizzard out the passenger window of my mom's car. Which I really wish I had done never mind the possible consequence of littering.
  • My high school registration took place today. I received my schedule and they took my picture. I think it's much better than the one I had last year. My schedule will probably make it's way on to my tumblr eventually.
  • Also at the registration, my halfsister Alicia was there. When I lost touch with my Dad, I also lost the communication I had with her and my other two halfsisters. Of course, I don't think we really had much of a connection in the first place. But she and I could still recognize each other so I don't believe either of us have changed in the looks department much. Though I do believe I've gotten, I should say, "prettier" the more comfortable I've gotten with myself.
  • Tuesday, I watched the first two episodes of this new ABCFamily show Melissa & Joey with, well Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence. I must admit, I started watching simply for the view-age of Melissa. But I think I'm staying on for the rest of the show. It helps that there's only a few episodes in and I'm already into shipping the two main characters.
  • Wednesday was the season finale of Hot in Cleveland. My God, this show is so damn funny. Betty White helps. And next season is going to have 20 episodes instead of the last one's 10.
I just wanted to try the bullet form this time 'round. Besides, there was a lot to talk about in my absence and I figured this was the best way to get it all in. Now that the computer is good, I can get back to that Scooby Doo marathon I had started a while back. I'm still on the second half of the The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo DVD set.

January 2015



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